I was teaching about the Solar System one day. I was interrupted mid-sentence with:
Ellis: Who named these planets?
Ellis: The names are stupid. I'd name them differently if I was in charge.
me: What would you name them?
Ellis: I'd name Earth "Aqua". And Jupiter would be "The Big Planet". And Uranus would just be "Butt".
During the explanation of the "Egg Drop Project", where students try to increase shock apsorption in a container to prevent a fresh egg inside it from breaking:
Danny: Are there prizes for unbroken eggs?
Ayush: (sarcastically) Yes. It's sponsored by Honda.
Close to the end of the school year, the 8th grade teachers need to help the students know what they need to know and do before graduation. One teacher in particular has discussed it ad nauseam:
Carlos: Hi Allison.
me: Hey Carlos - what's up?
Carlos: What present do you want for us graduating? I'm getting Jean a muzzle.