Studentisms 4.0

I began maternity leave last Friday (hallelujah!), so that means I have ALL the time in the world to blog before baby comes, right? Um, not so much. However, I thought that to commemorate my very first maternity leave, I'd put in another installment of studentisms to honor those little Bs and Bs I have left behind for the next couple of months.

During a discussion on atoms, I made an electron orbital that was far from a perfect circle. As I was erasing and correcting it, I began to ask the class if they knew what a tangent was, since that's what my sad attempt looked like. Right after I asked it, I realized they wouldn't know what a tangent was until they got into geometry (if at all), but wondered if they might know what it was in reference to a conversation instead. Here's how this one went down:

me: Do you guys know what a tangent is? Like, in a conversation?
Darius: Yeah. Ain't that a fruit?
me: Uh, that's a tangerine, smarty pants.
Darius: whatever.

The next choice conversation happened in the same class, and it had to do with a little piece of equipment I introduced to them that day. It looks like this:



It's called a spring scale, and you use it to measure the amount of force an object has by just attaching it to the hook at the end. The spring stretches, and you read where the plunger stops. So I hold up this little piece of gadgetry and ask:

me: Has anyone seen one of these?
Class: [various murmurings, including "no", "yeah, I think", and "who cares?"
me: What do you think it's called?
Marvin: A springer!
Chelesey: A scale?
me: You're getting close!
Gabby: A hooker!
[dead silence]
[teacher breaks out in laughter]

The last one was a great story my sister told me last night. My sister has taken over for me as the long-term substitute. It was a long story, so I'll spare you, but I'm really glad I'll have the constant contact with my students over these next several weeks. She and I have been planning together during the nights, and she reports to me how that day's lessons went. Currently, the students are learning about crystals and polymers and how they're bonded together in repeating patterns. Shannon introduced the topic thusly.

Shannon: Okay, class, tell me everything you know about crystals.
Leslie: You can smoke 'em!
Carlos: [turns around and whispers] Hey, good one!

You see what I've been dealing with? Gotta love urbanized 8th graders.

Daddy-to-be

Every pregnant woman has her complaints. Some get them all out at the beginning, some wait to lay it on thick at the end, and others just spit out a constant stream over the entire nine (and a half) months.

I am no different from every pregnant woman in this regard. My main thrust of complaints are coming on pretty strong these days as my due date nears. I've really tried to curb the complaints, or at least shroud them with humor so I don't get the pity pout (a facial expression I can't stand), but one person who basically hears it all is the ol' husband. Men, you know what I'm sayin'. If your woman allowed you to speak your mind, you could tell us ALL a thing or two, and I'm not just talking about stretch marks and water retention (my two biggest battles at this 36-AND-A-HALF-week point). A pregnant, hormonal woman will punch her husband in the face if he dares utter a thing about her gas over-production, abnormal secretions, and diminished libido. I mean, if these guys want to continue to eat and live under the same roof, they'll keep their mouths shut.

Well, Ted has heard it all from yours truly, and it ain't over yet. But talk about taking it in stride! A couple of posts ago, I wrote about Thanksgiving and that one of the things I was thankful for was a husband who wants to touch, hold, hug, and kiss his pregnant wife no matter how large she's getting. Well, it's been a month and a half since then, and according to my last OB appt, I gained 8 lbs in a week, so the largeness rate is exponentially rising. I've been assured it's all water at this point, and the canyon-esque indentations from YESTERDAY'S socks would point to that cause as well, but it doesn't make me feel any better.

And what's Ted doing in the middle of all this? He purchased the book, The Expectant Father, and has been taking tips along the way. One of these is an almost-daily foot massage and leg stretch. Bless that man. He still kisses and cuddles me like crazy, including necessary bum-grabs, and tells me multiple times daily that he loves me. Then he spends a day to do things like this:



And this:



See, I bought him a cordless drill for Christmas and he's been having a good time with it. Admittedly, so have I. Does anyone else need to fan themselves when they see the man they love putting a room together for someone they haven't met yet?

All because of a little love...